I just got back from the gym a little while ago, I have to say that even after sitting here for a half hour I’m still amped up and ready to take on the world. I wish they didn’t take so long to get the club house setup in the complex. Now they’re considering using the area that was dug out for the pool as a skate ramp but I’m sure they were just joking about it. It’s obvious that the main office is just as frustrated as the tenants are. The company they’re working with has been screwing over the complex left and right and to a point now where it’s just plain annoying. Hopefully this summer we’ll actually have a pool to swim around in and maybe my confidence level will have come back as well.

There isn’t much in the gym. Honestly, with the way they were talking it up you’d assume it’d be a bit more interesting but unfortunately that’s just not the case. There’s a treadmill, a bike and an “all in one” kind of weight machine. It’s also in a pretty cramped room as well. You’re kind of thrown into a very small area and someone who doesn’t take too kindly to small places would more than likely spend their time walking around the complex to get their work out…or just register at the Gold’s Gym kind of place right outside of the complex…you know? Why should we have to spend money to work out when we were told we were getting some extravagant place to do it in for free? :hmm:

I haven’t updated in a while, I know.  Things have kind of gone full speed ahead for me lately and it’s hard to keep track of all my blogs.  I figured it would be easy posting on five but I guess I was wrong.

The diet is going well.  I’ve cheated a little but with my craving for coffee later I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going into Starbucks today.  It was just a treat to myself so I guess that counts for something.  Last night I enjoyed my grilled chicken but I put a little Parmesan cheese on it and sliced it up into a salad.  And that’s another thing I’ve been eating a lot of lately - chicken salad.  I bought a few cans of chicken from Walmart for Bella and wound up keeping two for myself to throw together with a little mayo and a lot of celery, onion and other fixings to make it tasty.  I’ve been snacking on it all week.

I haven’t gone out and purchased Micheal’s plan.  I figure at the rate I’m going I should be able to discipline myself enough to get the job done.  My big set back right now is the fact that I’m still smoking.  I’m not sure how well that’s going to effect me when I do finally quit for good.  I’ve heard on numerous occasions that those who quit tend to replace the need of hand-to-mouth with food instead of a cig and that would just be a big set back for me.  The thing is, I don’t want to go cold turkey and load up on patches or the gum because while it stops me from smoking it keeps me addicted to the nicotine which in turn would just be pointless.  At that point it’s cheaper just to smoke.  You’re spending up to $60 a week on Nicorette gum or anything else to subside the smoking feelings and when it turns into $240 a month and you’re still able to quit the $40 a month you were spending on a carton really starts to look much better to your wallet.

Instead of spending $150 on getting this product directly from the company, I’ve bid for it on eBay just so I can get started with this program.  I was unable to locate it anywhere else for a reasonable price and as of right now I’m winning with my bid for $30 on one just posted on eBay this afternoon.  I know it’s no where near what this person spent for it but I’m certain the only reason they’re getting rid of it is because they were unsuccessful at following the program the way it’s laid out for you.

I’ve done a lot of reading, and even joined a forum or two and I’m confident that this program will get me down to my goal weight.  It offers just about everything I need in regards to recipes and exercise so I’ll be able to continue with my already extraordinary weight loss and move full speed ahead to the body I’ve always wanted.

A few people (in real life) have asked me why I’m only going down to a certain weight and I’ve explained to them time and time again that I’m not looking to be a skinny-minnie movie star, I’m looking to be healthy.  I’ve never been a small girl, and I never will be.  While many would consider 150 lbs. to be “fat” I consider it to be the ultimate goal.  I’ll still have some meat on my body, the way nature intended and I’ll be more comfortable in my own skin because there won’t be so much of it.  It has a lot to do with self esteem and I honestly don’t know one person who can say that at 250 lbs. they’re completely comfortable with who they are.  Unless of course they’ve weighed much more than that at one point and time and are working their way down from their highest documented weight.

I’m by no means saying that someone being 250+ lbs. is wrong.  What I’m saying is that it’s wrong for me. So far I’ve lost 60 pounds, bringing me down to the 200lb mark that I haven’t seen since high school.  It’s a great accomplishment for me and losing another 50 pounds to get down to where I truly feel I need to be is something I need to do for myself.  I don’t look down upon anyone at any weight.  I know that no matter what weight you are you’re no where near content with yourself.  Most are looking to be anorexic thin, others want to be toned, some just want to wear a good pair of jeans for once in their life.  No one will ever truly be content with their body and I can honestly say that I don’t know what 150 lbs. is going to be like for me.  Physically speaking I know that it’s an ideal weight for me, especially considering the size of my head (I don’t want to look like a balloon, you know?)  I just think anything smaller, for my body type would look ridiculous.  So what’s the fix?  Get down to where you feel you’ll be comfortable and go from there.  Hell, by the time I reach 180 I may be completely content with myself.  I just know that as of right now 150 is a reachable goal, from my current 200 lb mark to my goal of 150, I may stop along the way and just step back and enjoy the fact that I’ve lost the amount of weight I have and I should be nothing more than proud of myself, and content with how things are going for me.

My life is more enjoyable now.  Clothes feel better, my self esteem has dramatically gone up, as has my energy level and even my relationship with Sean has improved.  What could be better than that?

That’s exactly what I feel about life right now. For the past few months Sean and I have been tirelessly working on getting our own apartment. Finally it dawned on me that there’s an easy way to do it, it would just take a bit of time to work things out.

Not only do we need our own place but I also desperately wish to go back to school. So I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone and look into the obvious option of a Student Loan, numerous companies will give you the option of up to $40,000 a year and you don’t have to pay it back until after your studies have been completed. So I started to brainstorm that idea even more and look into Financial Aid to see just how much they’ll cover so I can figure out loan numbers from there.

Even though I have a job and don’t even live in the same state as my father anymore, the only way I can be covered as “independant” with financial aid is if I’m either knocked up or going for a bachelors. My original plan was to enroll in DeVry Online and earn my associates in Web Graphics Design. Now, for the most part I know what I’m doing but someone with a degree (even if I happen to know more than them) will get the job because there’s a piece of paper proving they can do it. Never mind the girl with the 10 years worth of experience, you know?

So now I’m considering the University of Phoenix Online. It’s a Bachelors program and I should hopefully be able to have Financial Aid cover the bulk of the enrollment expenses. The rest of the money can be paid by the student loan, and part of that money will be used towards housing. I think having a more ideal environment to work with (ie: my own SILENT office) would make more sense then to have myself locked in a bedroom listening to all of the random noises that a full-house can make.

Unfortunately I can’t get a student loan without two years worth of taxes and I didn’t have anything to file in 2005 due to a very bad year, so I’m honestly unsure of what I can do at this point. I’m not going to ask my father to co-sign because he’s already co-signed on a loan for me and the student loan would basically consolidate the existing loan and just give me more money to pay back to someone else.

All I want to do is get an apartment and go to school. How come everyone else can just have it handed to them and no matter how hard I work I can’t get shit?

This is extremely frustrating.

I finished dinner a little while ago and I’m still too full for words.  Since my father hasn’t had a home cooked meal in quite some time, I went ahead and fired up the crock pot at about 4am in order to start some sauce.  Tonight I made lasagna with sausage and meatballs.  I was very good at keeping my portions under control.  It was hard considering it’s the only thing I’ve eaten today but I woke up about 2pm so by the time 7pm rolled around I was hungry enough to not care that I hadn’t eaten earlier in the day.

Everyone seemed to enjoy dinner, so that’s always a plus.  I did sneak in a little bit of bread but when you go out of your way to bake it for everyone else, just a small crusty piece isn’t going to kill you, right?  In order to burn off the extra calories I took a few laps around the block with Bella, I then burned even more carrying her home considering her little legs gave out on her.  She gets tired if she walks for too long, not sure how that’s possible considering she’s so low to the ground.

Dieting aside, it’s been a fairly calm day.  I’ve done some laundry, straightened up the kitchen and cooked dinner.  I’ve been unable to work today because Sean has taken captive of my laptop.  I’m considering purchasing another one sometime soon, I’m just not sure what company I’m going to go with.  I don’t use my laptop for anything graphically anymore because of my new iMac.  If I use it for any “big” programs it’s usually Dreamweaver CS3 and having anything less than a gig of ram would be stupid on my part.  I did hear, however, that in order to have Vista on a laptop you’re going to have to have at least 2 gigs of ram because Vista takes a gig to run from the get go.  So factoring all of that in, i figure I’m going to need something in the $650-$700 range.  I’ve been poking around on TigerDirect for a refurb, I’ve also poked around Newegg for a newer one and naturally I’ve been floating around eBay as well.  I’ll hold off for a few months, I just know that my laptop is slowly dying on me.  The lag right now is extremely annoying and it’s also about 2 years old so upgrading wouldn’t be the worst of ideas.