The past couple of days have been absolutely gorgeous. Since Wednesday we’ve averaged around 75° and for me that has to be the best weather in the world.  I typically like things to be chilly, I’m someone who likes to bundle up so going over 85° is very uncomfortable for me - as it is for many people.  Around here when it’s in the 70’s, everyone is outside.  I’ve spent the last few days working on my base tan while I do some gardening.  I’m just itching to redo the garden with fresh flowers and a nice new border so I can separate the icky sod from the dirt hole that we call a garden (at the moment).  I did some planting last year but I made the mistake of placing seeds into sandy soil so it really didn’t work out too well.  When things finally did start to grow in, it was chopped down by the landscapers.  They can easily avoid the grass (which they’re being paid to cut by the way) but they can easily run down someone’s flowers without a care in the world.  Either way it will be corrected and sectioned off within the next couple of weeks and I can’t wait for it.

While I didn’t hear back from a company I interviewed with this past month, I have been accepted as a new out-sourcer for a web design company located in New Jersey.  I’ve already completed a project or two and they look really promising.  It’s my hope to be able to bring in enough money so I can stay on top of my bills.  I haven’t been slacking off on work but I haven’t been able to get much on my own either.  I need to bring in $1800 a month in order to cover my bills and I’ve been pretty short for the past couple of months, Sean has graciously been picking up the slack for me.  I hope to be able to get back to the point where I’m working solid 8 hour days again.  It sucks having a small project here and there to complete, is it so wrong that I’d kill for a 9-5?  I’ve applied at every single business in the area, both retail and desk jobs and I haven’t gotten a call back on any of them.  It’s a shock to me considering every business is hiring for summer positions.  I’ll even take something part-time as long as it doesn’t require having to lift anything more than 50 pounds.  While my health has been improving with my on-going weight loss, a bad back is a bad back no matter what weight you are.  I’ve removed over 50 pounds from my frame and I’m still unable to lift anything over 30 pounds without feeling a painful twinge in my back.  This is the reason I only bring minimal weight-training in with my daily routines.

I’m fine running, walking, spinning, and swimming.  I typically have 5 pound weights on my arms or legs when I’m jogging (for that extra push) and I try as hard as I can to stretch myself whenever I get the chance (typically after a work out) just so I can regain some strength in my back but it’s just not there.  A few have told me that a visit to the doctor to find out if I have a slipped disk or not would do the trick but when you have no medical insurance, and are unable to afford it - there’s really nothing that can be done.  This is another reason why I’ve been so persistant on getting the job with the company I interviewed for.  They offer up a pretty amazing benefits package and I’d kill to get myself into a doctors office.

Sean has been poking around the Internet in hopes to find out some more information about Medicare.  I just don’t think I’d like to have to depend on the Government to get by.  I know I pay my taxes so that everyone else can get a free ride but at the same time I think PRIDE has a lot to do with it.  Yes, I’d love to be covered by Medicare and Food Stamps - I put out a lot of money every month on healthy foods to maintain my diet - BUT, I’m perfectly capable of getting a job - I’m just unable to be accepted for one (for some god forsaken reason).  It’s the same story, every single time.  “You interviewed very well, we’ve just taken a different route”.  Now, in terms of Web Design work, that means “We found someone with a degree”.  When it comes to Retail that means “We found someone who’ll work for less than minimum wage and not bitch about it - ie: immigrant”.  I don’t mean Mexican, there’s an over-abundance of Russians in the area and they all work 3-4 jobs for a few months while they’re here for college and head back to Russia to take their few thousand dollars and be able to go through the rest of their year until they repeat the process down here.

It’s extremely frustrating to watch my bank account dwindle and my application pile reach the ceiling with “rejected” stamps on them. I keep meticulous records of just about every aspect of my life so if I apply somewhere I tend to keep a copy of the application and mark it down on a list so I know where I applied and their reason for rejection.  The reasons of “taking a different route” is the running theme.

I know that I need to go back to school and I desperately need a car of my own (Sean’s is about to kick the bucket and we’ve been sharing it due to my lack of a car).  It’s impossible for me to complete this process if I can’t find a job.  I’ve purchased a book on grant writing “The Everything Grant Writing Book” and I’m going to take some personal time to setup a work area (on any clean surface in the house) so I can start writing up a formal grant application to submit to different companies.  I’m going for anything that will help me, a federal grant, a state grant or even a corporate grant.  It’s going to be put towards my business.  Not only will it enroll me in school to further-advance me in my trade but it will also be used to push advertising and maybe purchase a new computer so I’m able to work more efficiently.  I love the iMac Sean gave me for Christmas, don’t get me wrong, but I also need silence when I’m trying to concentrate and that’s something I can’t get when I’m working in the same office as Sean (we share one).  Having a laptop is a god-send for me, and while I’m just looking to pick up a cheap $800 model that is Intel based (so I can install Mac OS X on it), it’s still $800 that I don’t have.

It’s a whole serious of financial issues right now and I really wish I could figure out what to do.