I’m still waiting patiently for all of the hosting to be moved over.  My personal stuff is moved to the new data center, the clients have proven to take a lot longer.  I’m not sure why it’s taking so long, I was told 3-5 days and it’s pushing more along the lines of 8 days.  Hopefully everything will be resolved soon, I’m being charged double for hosting this month because of still having the initial accounts with the old data center.  I just hope everything will resolve itself before I head up to NY next week.

Come Tuesday (24) I’m loading up the car, throwing Sean in the passenger seat and trucking it up to Long Island for a few days.  Dad’s birthday is on the 26th, my sisters is on the 29th and there’s quite a bit of family that I haven’t visited in over a year so I figure the trip up will give me an excuse to do that.  I’m driving the first half while Sean and Bella sleep in the car, then the second half he’ll take over and I’ll have Bella on my lap.

I bought my father a BBQ and a lot of accessories to go with it.  I’ve loaded my sister up with a huge gift basket and the rest just kind of goes from there.  I just want to leave very early on Wednesday morning, figure Midnight (25th).  By the time we get up there it’ll be about 4am.  This gives us plenty of time to get in and to just head to bed for the night.  Then the next morning we’ll take the gifts out of the car and hide them in the house after Dad’s gone to work.  I’ll get some minor grocery shopping done for Dinner on Thursday (Dad’s birthday) and then that should basically take care of everything.

Up until that point I’m going to be working.  I have a few different projects going on right now that are bringing in some fairly decent change, this is how I was able to afford the $200 I dropped on presents this year.  Guess I should get myself back to work now though, few emails to go through.

The past couple of days have been absolutely gorgeous. Since Wednesday we’ve averaged around 75° and for me that has to be the best weather in the world.  I typically like things to be chilly, I’m someone who likes to bundle up so going over 85° is very uncomfortable for me - as it is for many people.  Around here when it’s in the 70’s, everyone is outside.  I’ve spent the last few days working on my base tan while I do some gardening.  I’m just itching to redo the garden with fresh flowers and a nice new border so I can separate the icky sod from the dirt hole that we call a garden (at the moment).  I did some planting last year but I made the mistake of placing seeds into sandy soil so it really didn’t work out too well.  When things finally did start to grow in, it was chopped down by the landscapers.  They can easily avoid the grass (which they’re being paid to cut by the way) but they can easily run down someone’s flowers without a care in the world.  Either way it will be corrected and sectioned off within the next couple of weeks and I can’t wait for it.

While I didn’t hear back from a company I interviewed with this past month, I have been accepted as a new out-sourcer for a web design company located in New Jersey.  I’ve already completed a project or two and they look really promising.  It’s my hope to be able to bring in enough money so I can stay on top of my bills.  I haven’t been slacking off on work but I haven’t been able to get much on my own either.  I need to bring in $1800 a month in order to cover my bills and I’ve been pretty short for the past couple of months, Sean has graciously been picking up the slack for me.  I hope to be able to get back to the point where I’m working solid 8 hour days again.  It sucks having a small project here and there to complete, is it so wrong that I’d kill for a 9-5?  I’ve applied at every single business in the area, both retail and desk jobs and I haven’t gotten a call back on any of them.  It’s a shock to me considering every business is hiring for summer positions.  I’ll even take something part-time as long as it doesn’t require having to lift anything more than 50 pounds.  While my health has been improving with my on-going weight loss, a bad back is a bad back no matter what weight you are.  I’ve removed over 50 pounds from my frame and I’m still unable to lift anything over 30 pounds without feeling a painful twinge in my back.  This is the reason I only bring minimal weight-training in with my daily routines.

I’m fine running, walking, spinning, and swimming.  I typically have 5 pound weights on my arms or legs when I’m jogging (for that extra push) and I try as hard as I can to stretch myself whenever I get the chance (typically after a work out) just so I can regain some strength in my back but it’s just not there.  A few have told me that a visit to the doctor to find out if I have a slipped disk or not would do the trick but when you have no medical insurance, and are unable to afford it - there’s really nothing that can be done.  This is another reason why I’ve been so persistant on getting the job with the company I interviewed for.  They offer up a pretty amazing benefits package and I’d kill to get myself into a doctors office.

Sean has been poking around the Internet in hopes to find out some more information about Medicare.  I just don’t think I’d like to have to depend on the Government to get by.  I know I pay my taxes so that everyone else can get a free ride but at the same time I think PRIDE has a lot to do with it.  Yes, I’d love to be covered by Medicare and Food Stamps - I put out a lot of money every month on healthy foods to maintain my diet - BUT, I’m perfectly capable of getting a job - I’m just unable to be accepted for one (for some god forsaken reason).  It’s the same story, every single time.  “You interviewed very well, we’ve just taken a different route”.  Now, in terms of Web Design work, that means “We found someone with a degree”.  When it comes to Retail that means “We found someone who’ll work for less than minimum wage and not bitch about it - ie: immigrant”.  I don’t mean Mexican, there’s an over-abundance of Russians in the area and they all work 3-4 jobs for a few months while they’re here for college and head back to Russia to take their few thousand dollars and be able to go through the rest of their year until they repeat the process down here.

It’s extremely frustrating to watch my bank account dwindle and my application pile reach the ceiling with “rejected” stamps on them. I keep meticulous records of just about every aspect of my life so if I apply somewhere I tend to keep a copy of the application and mark it down on a list so I know where I applied and their reason for rejection.  The reasons of “taking a different route” is the running theme.

I know that I need to go back to school and I desperately need a car of my own (Sean’s is about to kick the bucket and we’ve been sharing it due to my lack of a car).  It’s impossible for me to complete this process if I can’t find a job.  I’ve purchased a book on grant writing “The Everything Grant Writing Book” and I’m going to take some personal time to setup a work area (on any clean surface in the house) so I can start writing up a formal grant application to submit to different companies.  I’m going for anything that will help me, a federal grant, a state grant or even a corporate grant.  It’s going to be put towards my business.  Not only will it enroll me in school to further-advance me in my trade but it will also be used to push advertising and maybe purchase a new computer so I’m able to work more efficiently.  I love the iMac Sean gave me for Christmas, don’t get me wrong, but I also need silence when I’m trying to concentrate and that’s something I can’t get when I’m working in the same office as Sean (we share one).  Having a laptop is a god-send for me, and while I’m just looking to pick up a cheap $800 model that is Intel based (so I can install Mac OS X on it), it’s still $800 that I don’t have.

It’s a whole serious of financial issues right now and I really wish I could figure out what to do.

Instead of spending $150 on getting this product directly from the company, I’ve bid for it on eBay just so I can get started with this program.  I was unable to locate it anywhere else for a reasonable price and as of right now I’m winning with my bid for $30 on one just posted on eBay this afternoon.  I know it’s no where near what this person spent for it but I’m certain the only reason they’re getting rid of it is because they were unsuccessful at following the program the way it’s laid out for you.

I’ve done a lot of reading, and even joined a forum or two and I’m confident that this program will get me down to my goal weight.  It offers just about everything I need in regards to recipes and exercise so I’ll be able to continue with my already extraordinary weight loss and move full speed ahead to the body I’ve always wanted.

A few people (in real life) have asked me why I’m only going down to a certain weight and I’ve explained to them time and time again that I’m not looking to be a skinny-minnie movie star, I’m looking to be healthy.  I’ve never been a small girl, and I never will be.  While many would consider 150 lbs. to be “fat” I consider it to be the ultimate goal.  I’ll still have some meat on my body, the way nature intended and I’ll be more comfortable in my own skin because there won’t be so much of it.  It has a lot to do with self esteem and I honestly don’t know one person who can say that at 250 lbs. they’re completely comfortable with who they are.  Unless of course they’ve weighed much more than that at one point and time and are working their way down from their highest documented weight.

I’m by no means saying that someone being 250+ lbs. is wrong.  What I’m saying is that it’s wrong for me. So far I’ve lost 60 pounds, bringing me down to the 200lb mark that I haven’t seen since high school.  It’s a great accomplishment for me and losing another 50 pounds to get down to where I truly feel I need to be is something I need to do for myself.  I don’t look down upon anyone at any weight.  I know that no matter what weight you are you’re no where near content with yourself.  Most are looking to be anorexic thin, others want to be toned, some just want to wear a good pair of jeans for once in their life.  No one will ever truly be content with their body and I can honestly say that I don’t know what 150 lbs. is going to be like for me.  Physically speaking I know that it’s an ideal weight for me, especially considering the size of my head (I don’t want to look like a balloon, you know?)  I just think anything smaller, for my body type would look ridiculous.  So what’s the fix?  Get down to where you feel you’ll be comfortable and go from there.  Hell, by the time I reach 180 I may be completely content with myself.  I just know that as of right now 150 is a reachable goal, from my current 200 lb mark to my goal of 150, I may stop along the way and just step back and enjoy the fact that I’ve lost the amount of weight I have and I should be nothing more than proud of myself, and content with how things are going for me.

My life is more enjoyable now.  Clothes feel better, my self esteem has dramatically gone up, as has my energy level and even my relationship with Sean has improved.  What could be better than that?

I’ve kind of hit a brick wall when it comes to my ongoing weight loss. While I am very close to my original goal and I’m still eating properly, I’m having a bit of trouble with preforming any real exercise. A few weeks ago, while on one of my regular daily walks I was unaware of a big dip in the road based on the fact that it was filled in with leaves. The step down basically knocked me on my ass and I literally had to call the house to have my hubby come and pick me up off the street a few blocks up. I couldn’t walk and my foot swelled up to about three times the size. I knew it wasn’t broken because I’ve broken and sprained my ankles so many times that I can tell the difference. I’m aware that I have weak ankles due to past experiences so naturally I knew how to treat it. I pulled my aircast out of the closet, pumped it up a little and slapped it on. I’m able to move around but standing up for long periods of time is proving to be difficult for me. Since I’m hunched over from trying to avoid putting too much presser on my foot, I’m finding it hard to keep my back from hurting me as well. So basically it’s a whole series of issues that I hope to clear up as soon as possible. The cast I’ve been using for years is a bit tattered and torn so I’ve been looking into new ankle braces on betterbraces.com. While I was there I began looking into knee braces for Sean because of the water in his knee thanks to an old Wrestling injury in high school. The two of us are literally falling apart, guess we were meant for each other - heh.

On Monday Sean and I were up in New York picking up the loan check and I have to say that now that the money is sitting in our account we’re antsy as heck to get out of here. My diet slipped a bit this week, but I’ve been doing well on my portion control up until Monday evening. It was my birthday, we went up to Bertucci’s because it’s one of my favorite restaurants up there.

I did good on not inhaling the bread the way I used to, anyone knows that fresh baked Italian bread right out of the oven is the best stuff in the world. I picked up the Baked Tortellini & Chicken Gratinati which has Tri-colored cheese tortellini with grilled chicken, cream, ricotta, mozzarella and Romano, brick oven-baked and sprinkled with diced plum tomatoes. It’s a high-carb meal, but highly recommended if you’re really going to CHEAT on your diet. Don’t inhale that bag of chips, spend $12.50 and pick this meal up. If you’re used to the portion control then you’ll obviously be able to save it for two more meals the way I did. I had some of the left overs for lunch yesterday because I was starving and that was really the only thing in the house. I also had a slice of pizza for dinner before we left, but who can seriously come back to New York after being born and raised there and NOT pick up a slice of real pizza? Seriously now!

Minus that little cheat, I’ve been doing very well. Sean and I are going to be making the move to Ohio over the course of the next couple weeks so we’re probably going to be picking up some kind of fast food just to throw in our stomachs but I know that a grilled chicken salad with no dressing and a bottle water is just fine for me to be comfortable. I’ve also loaded up on quite a few different brands of the to-go packs, mainly oat bars but I did get the 100 calorie packs of Doritos, I can’t ever finish them in one sitting so it’s not like I’m cheating too much.

Sean saw an infomercial for Micheal Thermond the other night and I think he’s going to pick it up.  I’ve done well on losing the weight by myself at this point but I think going on a set plan will bring in even better results for me.  It’s a customizable plan to fit your body type and it includes recipes, exercise and other lifestyle changes that many people have trouble adapting too.

I like that half of the clothes in my closet don’t fit me anymore, it’s such a cool feeling.