It’s been one of those weeks where everything is just confusing. As of Wednesday, Karen decided that she was going to put Candy down, only because she believed that Candy just wasn’t going to bounce back from what we now know as seizures. On Friday, however, Candy kind of sprung back to life and was then, what seemed to be, back to her old self. Her sister showed up on Friday evening with her kids, all of them are sick right now but she’s determined to buy a house down here and sick or not she needed to be here this week, not only for the house hunting but for Karen as well, Candy’s health is beginning to take it’s toll on everyone.

Last night Candy collapsed and made that horrible noise again. We still don’t know what it is but if you can imagine something that’s a cross between a dog crying, screaming and barking then you can kind of understand what the noise actually was. She shook for a few minutes and then popped up like “What happened?” because she’s completely zoned out during the time it typically happens. Last night she did return to her regular chipper self after she vegged out in the bedroom for a little while. She did eat quite a bit which was the most she’d had in a few days. Hopefully there isn’t another episode today, I don’t know what would happen.

Is it selfish of me to hope that if Candy is going to just go to sleep one night and not wake up that it happens during the week and not on the weekend? The closest emergency vet after 6pm (and on weekends) is over an hour north and by then who knows what could happen to her. During the week there are two vets offices down here where she could be taken care of. But that’s only if whatever is going to …take her life… happens between 8am-6pm on Monday through Friday. I know it seems wrong to think like this but I also know that Candy is literally considered to be Karen’s child. Having to sit in a car with her limp body for over an hour because there’s no one down here to help would not be something I think she could handle.

I honestly don’t know anymore. Things right now are more confusing then they should be, it’s just going to be a crappy week. And at the same time I hope to god I don’t get sick from her sister and her sister’s kids because she’s got bronchitis (which is borderline pneumonia at this point) and one son has a very high fever, the other is coughing up all kinds of goodies. I honestly believe there’s a hospital visit in the works today.

I’ve been slacking off on my exercise but there is valid reason for it. My sciatica has been acting up pretty badly. For the past few days I’ve had trouble moving around and today was kind of my boiling point. I woke up pretty early this morning and by the time I got back home from a quick trip to the store and a walk on the beach I was not only mentally exhausted but physically as well. This lead to me laying down in bed to just relax for a little while. Unfortunately I was unable to get back up after that happened and it scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t roll either left or right and the fact that I had to pee wasn’t helping me very much either.

I wound up falling asleep for a few hours and when I woke up I managed to very slowly roll myself to one side of the bed so I could get up. With the way my bedroom is there’s really no room to get out of the left side of the bed so you either have to scoot down (when Sean’s asleep) or roll to the right side and keep on rolling until you can easily stand. It’s a very bad place for a bed but instead of having the larger room as the bedroom we’re using it as an office. It makes for an annoying time but considering the room is only there to sleep in, we’re making due for as long as we have to.

I haven’t been feeling well on top of this, my stomach has been bothering me lately and I can tell that a cold is coming on just with how sluggish I’ve been lately. However, I’m unsure of the cause of the lack of energy. My diet is the same but I think since I’m not burning off the calories the way I was up until these past few days is taking it’s toll on me.

In other news, since I have been able to really get up and go the way I’ve wanted to, I’ve been playing around in Photoshop and I hope to have a new template here sometime soon. I should have done something for January 1st, but I figure better late then never. I’m going with pretty tones and maybe throwing some stock images into it. I do also have a few themes that I’m hoping to put up in the “Templates” section as soon as possible. I’m not sure exactly WHEN that’s going to happen but I’m certainly working on it.

I just got back from the gym a little while ago, I have to say that even after sitting here for a half hour I’m still amped up and ready to take on the world. I wish they didn’t take so long to get the club house setup in the complex. Now they’re considering using the area that was dug out for the pool as a skate ramp but I’m sure they were just joking about it. It’s obvious that the main office is just as frustrated as the tenants are. The company they’re working with has been screwing over the complex left and right and to a point now where it’s just plain annoying. Hopefully this summer we’ll actually have a pool to swim around in and maybe my confidence level will have come back as well.

There isn’t much in the gym. Honestly, with the way they were talking it up you’d assume it’d be a bit more interesting but unfortunately that’s just not the case. There’s a treadmill, a bike and an “all in one” kind of weight machine. It’s also in a pretty cramped room as well. You’re kind of thrown into a very small area and someone who doesn’t take too kindly to small places would more than likely spend their time walking around the complex to get their work out…or just register at the Gold’s Gym kind of place right outside of the complex…you know? Why should we have to spend money to work out when we were told we were getting some extravagant place to do it in for free? :hmm:

I haven’t updated in a while, I know.  Things have kind of gone full speed ahead for me lately and it’s hard to keep track of all my blogs.  I figured it would be easy posting on five but I guess I was wrong.

The diet is going well.  I’ve cheated a little but with my craving for coffee later I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going into Starbucks today.  It was just a treat to myself so I guess that counts for something.  Last night I enjoyed my grilled chicken but I put a little Parmesan cheese on it and sliced it up into a salad.  And that’s another thing I’ve been eating a lot of lately - chicken salad.  I bought a few cans of chicken from Walmart for Bella and wound up keeping two for myself to throw together with a little mayo and a lot of celery, onion and other fixings to make it tasty.  I’ve been snacking on it all week.

I haven’t gone out and purchased Micheal’s plan.  I figure at the rate I’m going I should be able to discipline myself enough to get the job done.  My big set back right now is the fact that I’m still smoking.  I’m not sure how well that’s going to effect me when I do finally quit for good.  I’ve heard on numerous occasions that those who quit tend to replace the need of hand-to-mouth with food instead of a cig and that would just be a big set back for me.  The thing is, I don’t want to go cold turkey and load up on patches or the gum because while it stops me from smoking it keeps me addicted to the nicotine which in turn would just be pointless.  At that point it’s cheaper just to smoke.  You’re spending up to $60 a week on Nicorette gum or anything else to subside the smoking feelings and when it turns into $240 a month and you’re still able to quit the $40 a month you were spending on a carton really starts to look much better to your wallet.

Instead of spending $150 on getting this product directly from the company, I’ve bid for it on eBay just so I can get started with this program.  I was unable to locate it anywhere else for a reasonable price and as of right now I’m winning with my bid for $30 on one just posted on eBay this afternoon.  I know it’s no where near what this person spent for it but I’m certain the only reason they’re getting rid of it is because they were unsuccessful at following the program the way it’s laid out for you.

I’ve done a lot of reading, and even joined a forum or two and I’m confident that this program will get me down to my goal weight.  It offers just about everything I need in regards to recipes and exercise so I’ll be able to continue with my already extraordinary weight loss and move full speed ahead to the body I’ve always wanted.

A few people (in real life) have asked me why I’m only going down to a certain weight and I’ve explained to them time and time again that I’m not looking to be a skinny-minnie movie star, I’m looking to be healthy.  I’ve never been a small girl, and I never will be.  While many would consider 150 lbs. to be “fat” I consider it to be the ultimate goal.  I’ll still have some meat on my body, the way nature intended and I’ll be more comfortable in my own skin because there won’t be so much of it.  It has a lot to do with self esteem and I honestly don’t know one person who can say that at 250 lbs. they’re completely comfortable with who they are.  Unless of course they’ve weighed much more than that at one point and time and are working their way down from their highest documented weight.

I’m by no means saying that someone being 250+ lbs. is wrong.  What I’m saying is that it’s wrong for me. So far I’ve lost 60 pounds, bringing me down to the 200lb mark that I haven’t seen since high school.  It’s a great accomplishment for me and losing another 50 pounds to get down to where I truly feel I need to be is something I need to do for myself.  I don’t look down upon anyone at any weight.  I know that no matter what weight you are you’re no where near content with yourself.  Most are looking to be anorexic thin, others want to be toned, some just want to wear a good pair of jeans for once in their life.  No one will ever truly be content with their body and I can honestly say that I don’t know what 150 lbs. is going to be like for me.  Physically speaking I know that it’s an ideal weight for me, especially considering the size of my head (I don’t want to look like a balloon, you know?)  I just think anything smaller, for my body type would look ridiculous.  So what’s the fix?  Get down to where you feel you’ll be comfortable and go from there.  Hell, by the time I reach 180 I may be completely content with myself.  I just know that as of right now 150 is a reachable goal, from my current 200 lb mark to my goal of 150, I may stop along the way and just step back and enjoy the fact that I’ve lost the amount of weight I have and I should be nothing more than proud of myself, and content with how things are going for me.

My life is more enjoyable now.  Clothes feel better, my self esteem has dramatically gone up, as has my energy level and even my relationship with Sean has improved.  What could be better than that?